Saturday, 28 May 2011

Handel, With Care

Young Joel (better known as the satirist Cheek by Joel) has sent me the following email. It’s a proposal for a TV drama provisionally titled Handel, With Care.

Jim Handel is a care worker in a residential unit for adults with acquired brain injuries. He’s a maverick who doesn’t mind breaking the rules if it means getting the job done. He’s heard of risk assessments but isn’t sure what they do. Jim doesn’t carry anti bac and won’t wear an apron whilst cooking but he never gets personal unless he’s tooled up with latex rubber gloves. Size L.  

Jeanette ‘Sharkey’ Tubbs, Jim’s deskbound, donut munching, lard arse line manager is forever hauling him over the coals. Sometimes Jim is suspended. On these occasions Tubbs demands Jim’s laminated ID badge, which he throws on her desk before going home where he stays up late brooding and drinking hard. He has an ex wife who walked out after delivering the ultimatum ‘it’s the job or me’. Jim is convinced she’s delusional if she thinks she can live without him even though she has since remarried and is expecting a second daughter.

Jim has a sidekick called Joy who, whilst secretly considering him to be ‘nice but fucked up’ is nevertheless loyal and will, on occasion take the heat to get Jim off the hook. Sometimes they are ordered to work nights where they watch 70’s American cop movies and drink coffee out of Styrofoam cups. They slept together once (at work) but both now agree it was a mistake.

Joel finishes off with the assurance that any similarities to the living, the dead, and the living dead are ‘all in my head’. Thanks Joel, and say hello to your mother from me.      

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